How to Learn to See Women You Lusted After in Love

Hey brothers,

Here’s a thought I want you to sit with today:
You can’t stop lust by just trying to stop it.

If I told you right now, “Don’t think about a purple apple,” you’d immediately think of one. That’s how the mind works. You can’t erase thoughts by force. But you can redirect them. If I tell you to think about a yellow banana instead, your mind shifts.

That’s the same principle when it comes to lust. You don’t just say, “I won’t lust.” You redirect your focus toward something better. Toward God’s design. Toward love.

What is lust?

Lust isn’t attraction. It’s not noticing that a woman is beautiful—that’s normal, even healthy. Lust happens when you cross the boundary. When you stop seeing her as a whole person and start imagining her only as an object for selfish pleasure.

Jesus said, “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). Everything starts in the mind. If you allow your thoughts to wander into sin, the battle is already lost.

So here’s the real question: what story are you telling yourself about that woman you see?

• Do you label her as “hot,” “sexy,” or “desirable”?

• Do you picture things you’d be ashamed to say out loud?

If so, you’ve already crossed a line.

What is love?

C.S. Lewis put it this way: “Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good.”

I like to simplify it: love is the desire (and when possible, the action) for the good of another person.

So what if, instead of seeing a woman as an object, you began to see her as:

• Valuable

• Precious

• A person with a story, struggles, and dreams

• Someone deeply loved by God

Imagine how differently your thoughts would go if you remembered that this woman has qualities: kindness, intelligence, gentleness. That she matters to someone, and ultimately, to God Himself.

The reframe

Here’s the practical step: when an unconscious lustful thought rises up, interrupt it with a conscious loving thought.

Ask yourself:

• What’s her story?

• What might she be struggling with?

• How can I see her as someone God treasures?

When you train yourself to think of women this way, lust loses its grip.

Pastor Mark Driscoll once said, “If God’s men did view women as sisters, they would see the naked girls they lust after as beautiful sisters in need of dignity, and grieve as if their little sister suddenly became a stripper.”

That image hits hard. But it’s true. The goal isn’t to shame you. The goal is to open your eyes. Lust dehumanizes. Love dignifies.

And day by day, as you redirect your mind, you’ll find that lust starts to weaken. Not because you white-knuckled it, but because love is taking its place.

Final words

The way forward isn’t about saying “don’t think about the purple apple.” It’s about choosing something better. Choosing love. Choosing to see women the way God sees them.

When you do, lust begins to lose its power in your heart.

Thank you for reading!

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Here’s the link to my channel.